Today was Stake Conference. If you don’t know what that is, it’s similar to a normal Sunday church meeting, but the part where you have to try and keep your kids quiet and well behaved is two hours instead of one. We were hoping to end up in that same big, comfortable room as last time, but it was not set up for broadcasting the speakers this time. We begrudgingly ended up in a different, larger, quieter side room. A quieter room may sound like a good quality, but in this case only means that people will be more likely to be disrupted by my noisy children.
So there I was in this room, with my cranky one year old, my two year old who was overdue for his nap, and my exhausted husband. Fifteen minutes in, poor Marty had fallen asleep in his chair, the kids had scattered the snacks I packed across the floor, and they were already starting to fight over the books and activities I had brought for them.
It was in that moment that I thought to myself, “Why am I even here? What is the point?”. Marty certainly wasn’t paying attention, I certainly wasn’t paying attention very well, and we were even inhibiting those around us from listening well.
Last night when I was doing my five minute accountability check in with my Heavenly Father, I determined that I needed to focus on staying more positive today. Sometimes in an attempt to commiserate with Marty on the day that he’s home with the kids all day like me, I find myself being more negative than I should. I started my day today with a mental note to be more positive.
My mind brought me back to that commitment right after my “what am I doing here” thought. It was at that point I noticed that even amidst wrestling with my two noisy wiggle worms, I was still being pricked with some little glimmers of the spirit as the sound of the speakers played in the background of my chaos. As much as it felt like a pointless effort to be there, I realized that I was indeed absorbing light by simply being in the room.
I may not have heard the majority of what the speakers were saying, but I heard at least one or two things that I believe I needed to be taught today. It makes me wonder how many more things I do that feel fruitless, are actually steadily trickling light and goodness into my life.
Maybe going to church today was worth it after all.